it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
