meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
BRING THE BAGELS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
