dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I take back everything I said about communal showers
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
