my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
