hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
