my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
