im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
