So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
