My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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