i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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