so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
