Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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