i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
