I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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