perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
