This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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