You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
