i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
