Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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