maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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