i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
