need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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