Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
