I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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