It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i think i just lost a toe
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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