We need to rekindle our bromance
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's always time for handjobs
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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