No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
