Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
