um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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