Kiss
Puke
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
