She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
