so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
