i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
