I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
