I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
