i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
