If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
