I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
