He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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