So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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