Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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