I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
