HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
