dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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