Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
