I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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