franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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