I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
