Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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