well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
