New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
