JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
