you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
