While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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