YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
